With John Key’s announcement today that he will step down as New Zealand’s Prime Minister, we look at the gifs his eight-year reign will be remembered by.
The year is 2011 and New Zealand is overrun by mad people keen on watching men throw balls at each other and kick them and stuff. It is the Rugby World Cup.
For our dear Prime Minister John Key, it’s a time of excitement. He loves rugby. He thinks the All Blacks command glory and respect.
But one fateful day in February, Key took his love of the sport too far, sauntering down the catwalk modelling the RWC volunteers’ uniform. He waggled his hips, he poked out his bum, he did a funny thing with his foot as he turned around.
Key was caught up in the moment, adrenaline was pumping through his veins as the crowd roared, egging him on for one last little bottom shake.
It was labelled the “mincing” incident.
Our dear PM soon realised the error of his ways, telling TVNZ a week later: "I responded to the crowd last week, I was having a bit of fun, but I shouldn't have done that in my view, that was probably a bit stupid."
JOHN KEY FAILS TO NAIL IT
Fast forward to 2015, the year of the Northland by-election. For some mysterious “personal reasons,” the local National MP Mike Sabin had resigned.
Key headed up north to help candidate Mark Osborne out on the campaign trail, and Newshub was there to capture the action.
What happened next will shock you.
Key was filmed ferociously and mercilessly attempting to bash an innocent nail on the head with a large hammer and a maniacal grin. He mostly missed.
He later admitted to the incident being “a shocker”.
John Key loves ponytails. He uses words like “tantalising” to describe them.
But he yanked waitress Amanda Bailey’s ponytail one time too many, outing his uncontrollable urges to pull tied up clumps of human hair, leading to national outrage expressed online using the hashtag #ponytailgate.
Soon after, more pictures began to emerge of Key being overcome by the desire to give a ponytail a tug.
The most notable of such incidents, during a visit to the Matakana Farmers’ Market, was caught on camera.
While a girl is distracted by broadcaster John Campbell, Key slips his fingers into a silky blonde lock and gives it a pull, before mincing off to the organic blue cheese stand.
Only weeks after damning footage emerged of the aforementioned pull, widely believed to be an elaborate prank instigated by mainstream media leader John Campbell alongside John Key, footage emerged of the Prime Minister’s secret Parnell gymnasium equipment, which included a rope swing fashioned out former New Zealand commander of glory and respect Jeff Wilson’s fringe.
We’ve already talked about John Key’s love of watching men throw balls at each other. So imagine his delight when our national team won a trophy for being the best team in the world at throwing balls at each other!
Old mate John was in fact so excited, that he wanted to be the first to shake hands with Head Ball Thrower Richie McCaw.
In his haste, a previously unidentified phenomenon now widely known as the three way handshake emerged between Key, McCaw and International Rugby Board chairman Bernard Lapasset.